I’m so impatient. I can’t wait for the life of my dreams to unfold before me, magically brought into being by the force of my wanting.
Browsing the blogs and Pinterest boards I follow, I know what tugs at me and makes my heart sing, what I long to do and share and create. I get frustrated sometimes, knowing I’ve been nudging at my dreams for years, slowly making progress but never fast enough for my liking.
But in the sheer overwhelm that everyday life can sometimes bring, stealing away my time to think and plan and percolate, I have forgotten something crucial… the important things in this life take time.
The only way to build the life of my dreams is to be truly me. To take time to curate and edit and select my surroundings, my pastimes, my people.
To create without fear – of failure or of what people will say. To create for me alone, and let the following and the business come later. To create to change lives and change the world, but mostly to dive deeper into myself, and who I am, and who I long to be. Who I already am, underneath, but who I sometimes struggle to show.
Fear. All the fear, in one big ball, gathered and faced and hurled out to sea. It’s not so easy as it looks, but the impatience and the fear are bound up together, interminably.
What if I fail. What if I don’t. What happens if I don’t achieve x goal by x date? What might I miss out on? What if I make the leap and the net doesn’t appear, what if I can’t make this self employment thing work?
What if, what if, what if. It’s a constant refrain in my head.
I’ll always be impatient but I don’t want to live my life on what ifs.
I am committing, right here, right now, to being, in business and in life, only my whole and true self.
To doing only what feels right, and filling my world with things that light up my whole being.
No particular timescale – I have a tendency to fixate on certain dates or ages, or lengths of time since something happened or didn’t, and it’s one of the things I would most like to remove from my life.
Time flows like sand through our fingers, and it’s precious. Too precious to waste worrying about whether I have done a certain thing by age 30, or whatever.
As long as I am moving in the direction of my dreams, and living my happiest, brightest, best life possible on that journey – then the dates and the what ifs cease to matter at all.